A Box Labeled ‘Acquit’

I have trouble in trouble. “Trouble” is the name I gave to the big double drawer that holds all the plastic do-dads, bowls and various containers for keeping food in the frig and freezer. The problem is that so many of them look alike, but don't, that I give up digging through lids and resort to the type of container I dislike and is really not the best choice.

It was easy when the Kansas Woman attended Tupperware parties. We had only a few matched sets of plastic, and they were about the same shape, size, maybe color.

The trouble drawer is full of containers that might have a top, maybe not, and it is getting to the point where sour cream and fake cream containers are getting a lot of use.

The problem with that is that they are identical and you can't keep labeling them with a magic marker. Now we use masking tape labels.

The containers nest together perfectly on a stack of white plastic tops and take up no room to speak of. Simple. So simple even a man can do it.

I can't sort by shape because some are oval, some rectangular, some aren't oval but have rounded corners.

“Round” is not a good description either because while some are round, others are not, but not oval either. It seems “round” is relative.

The KW says it has a lot to do with how men see things.

We don't know where some of these plastic containers came from and haven't used many of them in years. It is for certain that if we toss a container, the mate will show up.

There is a box of old maid tops that just can't be made to fit anything.

We have made halting attempts to organize that drawer by type or shape, but none of that worked, and the drawer filled up waiting for later.

“Later” has arrived.

The KW said we need to set aside a Friday night when there is nothing on television to dump the boxes of containers on the kitchen table and try to find a match among the old maids.

Or else.

I think once a match is found, it should be permanently marked so we don't have to go through this again.

The KW has another plan. She labeled a large cardboard box with the word “acquit.” That, she said, would go to the end of the table.

I puzzled over that for a minute until I recalled the Simpson trial and the term, “If it doesn't fit you must acquit.”

OK, I get it.

joenphillips@yahoo.com